BiP Contestants: This is what I think you smell like

You guys, you have to understand.

I write for work constantly. So when I get here, to my little safe spot, I reserve the right to write about the silly, the banal, and the strange.

Never before have I met that description quite this well, though.

As the Bachelor/ Bachelorette / Bachelor in Paradise crazy train continues to roll, I present to you a selection of BiP contestants … and their corresponding vintage fragrance.

This whole topic began with Tia, a contestant we first met on Arie’s cringe-worthy season, and whom I am convinced smells like Love’s Baby Soft.

I could be totally wrong; she could be a Chanel girl for all I know. But something about her soft wavy hair and ability to wear pastels without irony pointed my Ti-olfactory sense in Love’s direction.

Krystal is Electric Youth, a signature fragrance by Ms. Deborah Gibson. “Women who are looking for a fresh unique and vibrant aroma to express their true personality will find this fragrance an exciting option,” reads the official description for EY. “Packed with fruits flowers sweets woods and amber this perfume contains a blend of aromas to create a highly diversified scent.”

Kendall is Sun Moon Stars — the Lagerfeld fragrance I longed for in the early nineties but could never quite afford. According to fellow blogger Cleopatra’s Boudoir: “Karl Lagerfeld was inspired to create the perfume by his love of high quality paper.”

Bibiana is Candie’s – sexy and voluptuous.

Plus, you have to admit: the Candie’s ad campaigns of the nineties are very on-Bachelor-brand.

Chelsea is Lady Stetson. Classy, versatile, and a model, so hopefully she knows the trick to keeping a bolero level while traveling in a convertible (as above).

Annaliese is Sunflowers, that bright and just a little in-your-face scent (that I sported in high school.)

BONUS: Bekah M. kind of threw a wrench into my blogging plans by finding actual love and bowing out of BiP.

There’s no way Bekah isn’t a Charlie girl, though, and this ad from 1994 should put any doubt to rest:

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