Savory, Sequined, and Sequential: the Weird Valentines Gift List of 2019

It’s time again to round up a few doses of strange, and list some of the weird Valentines Day gifts I’ve spotted in and around the interWebs.

I’ve ended up with three food-items this year on a list of four, but also saw a disturbingly high quantity of Nicolas Cage.

So, if Nic Cage be the food of your love, read on…

Your Love is My Drug

For the health-conscious (or relatively unhealthy) partner in your life, might I suggest the Jelly Belly pill case, which can be reused later for more candy, vitamins, or life-saving drugs. Spotted at:

Heinz Makes a Ballsy Move

A product after my foodie heart, Heinz entered the V-Day marketing game this year with limited-edition jars of ketchup caviar. Very limited edition…there were only a handful of samples up for grabs. Something about this suggests that if the reviews are positive, though, we might be seeing the little balls of condiment joy bounce up again. Spotted at:

Face on, Face off

What might be most notable about this item is how many different versions there actually are when shopping for ‘Nic Cage Pillows.’ Also, imagine just casually leaving this on the couch for the babysitter. Spotted at:

Dill the End of Time

Thanks in large part to Boston — home of Grillo’s Pickles — pickle bouquets are now a thing. Grillo’s will make and deliver one to those who live in Greater Boston, but will also show those who don’t how to make one via their website. Sweet of them, really, since pickles are their bread and butter. Spotted at: Rare

SAG Awards – the best dressed nods!

BiP Contestants: This is what I think you smell like

You guys, you have to understand.

I write for work constantly. So when I get here, to my little safe spot, I reserve the right to write about the silly, the banal, and the strange.

Never before have I met that description quite this well, though.

As the Bachelor/ Bachelorette / Bachelor in Paradise crazy train continues to roll, I present to you a selection of BiP contestants … and their corresponding vintage fragrance.

This whole topic began with Tia, a contestant we first met on Arie’s cringe-worthy season, and whom I am convinced smells like Love’s Baby Soft.

I could be totally wrong; she could be a Chanel girl for all I know. But something about her soft wavy hair and ability to wear pastels without irony pointed my Ti-olfactory sense in Love’s direction.

Krystal is Electric Youth, a signature fragrance by Ms. Deborah Gibson. “Women who are looking for a fresh unique and vibrant aroma to express their true personality will find this fragrance an exciting option,” reads the official description for EY. “Packed with fruits flowers sweets woods and amber this perfume contains a blend of aromas to create a highly diversified scent.”

Kendall is Sun Moon Stars — the Lagerfeld fragrance I longed for in the early nineties but could never quite afford. According to fellow blogger Cleopatra’s Boudoir: “Karl Lagerfeld was inspired to create the perfume by his love of high quality paper.”

Bibiana is Candie’s – sexy and voluptuous.

Plus, you have to admit: the Candie’s ad campaigns of the nineties are very on-Bachelor-brand.

Chelsea is Lady Stetson. Classy, versatile, and a model, so hopefully she knows the trick to keeping a bolero level while traveling in a convertible (as above).

Annaliese is Sunflowers, that bright and just a little in-your-face scent (that I sported in high school.)

BONUS: Bekah M. kind of threw a wrench into my blogging plans by finding actual love and bowing out of BiP.

There’s no way Bekah isn’t a Charlie girl, though, and this ad from 1994 should put any doubt to rest:

VDay Weirdness 2018: The Round-up!

For that Ken and Barbie couple

Oh Etsy, you veritable trove of odd and unexpected. Only you could offer up this disturbing show of affection.

Spotted at: Babble

McLovin’ on a New Level

There’s something to be said for getting your loved one something they truly love for V-Day. And if your partner is super into McDonald’s hamburgers, yes, Virginia: there is a gift for that.

Fossil, for some reason, made a designer McDonald’s-themed watch — sorry, timepiece –at one time and you can still score one online for about $170.

Spotted at: Crafts n Clocks

Filled with Candy and Sadness

This one I love: the anti-Valentine PiƱata. Festive, accurate, and appropriate for anger-management, if not slightly dangerous, depending on the bat.

Spotted at: Amazon

The Gift of Truth

When you still care enough to buy a gift but you just want them to stop it already.

Spotted at: Zazzle

Pillow Talk

Grab these, and whose is whose is up to you. You can go all-out with an entire bed set though, too, if you so choose.

Spotted at: DefineDesign

Cover Image: Eggplant Earrings for the emoji-lover in your world.

Spotted at: sucresucre