One Turkey Per Customer

Blogtoberfest Guest Post #8, by Jeff Cutler

It’s October for another couple hours and I have to tell you about a terrifying situation.

The turkeys came back the other day. On the heels of a hurricane, in a driving rain, they invaded the yard and tormented me with their evil glares.

You might question the ability of a turkey to glare, but it happens. A lot. They also sneer, jeer and have a haughty affectation when nearby humans don’t agree with them.

In fact, the entire Thanksgiving ritual of slaughtered turkeys rings a bit hollow when you realize that these birds are as cunning as timeshare salespeople. You know the type. They give you free lunch and some tickets to Disney World and suddenly you’ve spent $10,000 and have a two-bedroom timeshare at the gates to Lake Buena Vista, Fla. But I digress.

What also seems odd is that you never see tiny turkeys…even in the store. When you examine the prevalence of tasty fowl fare at the grocery store, there are Cornish game hens, chicken tenders and even Cadbury Creme eggs. But, nothing resembling a midget turkey.

About now, you’re wondering if this is actually a blog post or just the manifesto of some crazed journalist who has a thing against turkeys. It’s neither. Turkeys are delicious and blog posts are supposed to have a point. The only point here is to give kind readers (you) a moment respite from your busy lives.

A moment to reflect and be pleased you aren’t a turkey or a journalist.

A moment to concentrate on being well.

A moment to breathe.


Now wasn’t that better than some high-brow, intellectual missive dragging your grey matter all over creation just to try and impress the academy and win awards?

I’d say so.

I’d also say, October is a good month. While the month might be stuck with the color orange, so are the Miami Dolphins. And while we’re wandering around like a word-association addict in a haunted house of Tourette syndrome sufferers, I’d like to leave you with one more thought.

Smile. The turkeys are watching.

Jeff Cutler is sarcastic and annoying. Some of his writing can be found at and more sane snippets can be found on geocache log books all over the nation. When he’s not writing, he’s putting a dent in his double-recliner couch or eating goat cheese out of a bowl in Provence.

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