The Weird V-Day Gift List of 2021!

I look forward to compiling the Weird Valentines Day gift list each year — for the benefit of no one in particular.

It’s just fun for me to hunt for the strange and unusual and share it here, and there’s something to be said for consistency; this is year seven!

There’s no real theme to the weirdness this year; just some of the more interesting entrees into the Valentine Gift gamut. One might say the list has a pandemic-tinged flavor to it, featuring introspective literature, handmade crafts, nostalgia, and comfort food.

A Bound Collection of Pages

If you’ve ever muttered Cripes, you’re so damn literal to your loved one, look no further for an appropriate gift than Nathan W. Pyle’s Strange Planet. This cartoon compilation depicts all sorts of conversations, but written in formal-speak: reflective of the weirdness of human behavior.

Pyle also has other Strange Planet merch for sale at his website.

Spotted at Business Insider

…But Did You Pick a Peck?

Last year, I featured a potato as a gift, so this year I’ll move on to fruit and personalized mini-pears.

Made by ArchMiniatures, these mini-pears can be singles (You’re pearfection!) or doubles (We’re the perfect pear!). They’re, cute, irreverent, and (according to ArchMiniatures) suitable for some car dashboards, which is definitely a trend I want to see.

Spotted at Etsy

Searching for a Reel Love

The vintage-lover — or any Gen Xer — will appreciate a personalized ViewMaster* and the hours of clicky joy it will bring.

* Not actually a ViewMaster, the brand-name for the Mattel toy. This is the Image3D, made by a small company in Oregon.

Spotted at Uncommon Goods

I’ve Got My Rib-eye on You

Heart-shaped steaks aren’t a new thing necessarily, but they seem to be experiencing a resurgence; perhaps because not many of us will be going out for a V-Day dinner, but still want to indulge. It’s potentially a great way to support local farms and butchers; also known as sweetheart steaks, they’re usually one cut of boneless strip or rib steak, expertly butterflied into a heart shape.

Lobel’s of New York offers the gold standard of cardiac cuts (sorry), but several grocery chains and mail-order services are also offering similar, more modestly priced versions.

Spotted at 92.9 NiN

V-Day 2020: Cultural References and All the Fixins

Huzzah and Hello, weirdos! Today marks the fifth annual Weird Valentine Gift post here at WriterJax, and this year is a good one. It’s almost as though society in general has, somehow, become more accepting of the fringe.

I kid. Still, as we head toward VD 2020, I give you five contenders for holiday gift-giving. Go forth and browse to your heart’s content!

Don’t Torture Yourself, Gomez.

Send your favorite horror-file, or least-favorite-person in general, a bouquet of Dirty Rotten Flowers this year, like The Morticia arrangement below. Bonus: the testimonial page on this website is gold, Jerry. Gold.

You Had Me at Au Gratin

For the pun-tacular person in your life who’s all ears, I give you the Potato Parcel. This item was actually featured on Shark Tank and has been sending spuds around the world ever since, including those adorned with photos of the recipient.

Couple Goals

No one knows ’til death do we part like Jack and Sally. Let’s celebrate that love with gaudy-ass jewelry.

Put Some Pink in your Drink

This is too pretty not to share: pink chai tea from Lee.

The Rest is Gravy

No Valentines Day is complete without something unctuous, and when it comes to unctuous, I always vote gravy.

I Only Have Meat + Melting Cats 4 U

It’s that time again… time to scour the interwebs for all things bizarre to give to loved ones on February 14 in the spirit of VD!

Here are my five favorite finds for the weirdo in your life. Suitable for Valentines Day, anniversaries, or divorce.

Kurt's chocolate salami

Salami or Leave Me

This one actually doesn’t seem weird to me at all – in fact, it seems innovative, artisanal, and delicious. Made and delivered by Olympia Provisions, it’s the Salami Bouquet. From their website, because I couldn’t write this description any better, it’s  “{f}or those who prefer an armful of pork to a fragile and fleeting flower arrangement.”

But wait, there’s more – Olympia Provisions also creates chocolate salami, which is not chocolate-covered meat but rather salami-shaped ganache. I’m really open to either but the latter sounds slightly more appetizing. Seen at: The Oregonian

Gummie penis bag of dicks candy!

Dear Richard…

Thanks to my pal Eden for this perfect offering from the passive-aggressive secret admirer. An anonymous Bag o’ Dicks. Seen at: dicksbymail.com



Love. Death. Zombies. Obsession.

Zombie Cologne seems fun in an un-dead kinda way. And it’s brought to us by Demeter, the same company that creates Play-Doh perfume. Seen at: Overstock.com


This Cat is on Fire

This: because we have a cat who sets stuff on fire and also because it’s a candle that eventually becomes something else besides a pile of malleable wax.Seen at: Pyropetcandles.com


The Dedicated Valentines of the NYPD

Why aren’t these already in my mailbox? WHY?

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Hilltown Families Handmade Valentine Swap 

Behold, the spoils of the Hilltown Families Handmade Valentine Swap!

I signed up for this annual community tradition for the second time this year, and for the first time as a mom. This time around, the whole process was even more fun, and the entire family got involved.

Created by Hilltown Families, the handmade valentine swap charges participants with creating and mailing handmade valentines to ten assigned addresses, receiving handmade valentines from other families in return.

After signing up, we received a list of addresses of families across Western Mass., and set to work getting our craft on. We started with art supplies in ‘Valentine colors,’ including red finger paint, and several sheets of card stock …

…some of the paint made it onto the paper, along with crayon scribbles and stickers.

Those were set aside to dry, and after bedtime, I added some scrapbook embellishments.

I also threw a few stickers into each of the envelopes — Ben’s job was to create equal piles of stickers for each child — before addressing them and sending them off.

In a few days, we started receiving handmade valentines from other families in return. Some people save them to open all at once on Valentine’s Day, others open them as they come in and display them like Christmas cards. We chose the latter this year, opening them together before bedtime and decorating the mantel. They’re all so creative… we received a heart ornament made out of pipe cleaners and Cheerios, thumb-print love birds, a hand-print fish, a heart made of tiny feet, and two handmade paper hearts in the coolest colors. I definitely noticed a purple trend.

  

From start to finish, the swap is so much fun! Can’t wait to do it again next year.