I Only Have Meat + Melting Cats 4 U

It’s that time again… time to scour the interwebs for all things bizarre to give to loved ones on February 14 in the spirit of VD!

Here are my five favorite finds for the weirdo in your life. Suitable for Valentines Day, anniversaries, or divorce.

Kurt's chocolate salami

Salami or Leave Me

This one actually doesn’t seem weird to me at all – in fact, it seems innovative, artisanal, and delicious. Made and delivered by Olympia Provisions, it’s the Salami Bouquet. From their website, because I couldn’t write this description any better, it’s  “{f}or those who prefer an armful of pork to a fragile and fleeting flower arrangement.”

But wait, there’s more – Olympia Provisions also creates chocolate salami, which is not chocolate-covered meat but rather salami-shaped ganache. I’m really open to either but the latter sounds slightly more appetizing. Seen at: The Oregonian

Gummie penis bag of dicks candy!

Dear Richard…

Thanks to my pal Eden for this perfect offering from the passive-aggressive secret admirer. An anonymous Bag o’ Dicks. Seen at: dicksbymail.com



Love. Death. Zombies. Obsession.

Zombie Cologne seems fun in an un-dead kinda way. And it’s brought to us by Demeter, the same company that creates Play-Doh perfume. Seen at: Overstock.com


This Cat is on Fire

This: because we have a cat who sets stuff on fire and also because it’s a candle that eventually becomes something else besides a pile of malleable wax. Seen at: Pyropetcandles.com


The Dedicated Valentines of the NYPD

Why aren’t these already in my mailbox? WHY?

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